dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
