why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
