You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
