Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
