i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
