nut hugger
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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