ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
