turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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