Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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