you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
