What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
