Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize