I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize