My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
