My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
