Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
