Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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