I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
