I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
