My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
