she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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