His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
