oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
