I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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