He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Cover your peen. We're going out.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
