in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
