When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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