I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
