remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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