Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
