When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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