we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I love having hate sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize