I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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