He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
