I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize