make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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