I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
