i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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