im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She bit a glass in half.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
