My sheets look like a crime scene.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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