Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Damn victory sex feels great
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
