laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Your penis caused this!
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