he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
