Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
