she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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