I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
