were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
