I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
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She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize