I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
