jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
