Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
