Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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