Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
