so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
