I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
