if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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