I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
