No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
