Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I currently don't understand fingers.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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