Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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