drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
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He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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