Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
