I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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