I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
