your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
