i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
