Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You made out with two different species that night
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
