He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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