He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
