apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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