I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
