you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
